Here I am again, in the middle of Insomnia, listening to The Scientist and thinking of you again. Remembering your perfume and the color of your eyes that I miss so much right now. I want to text you so much it burns my fingers. I would want to be in your arms again even if it meant nothing to you the only times it happened. I would want to see your gorgeous naked body again and feel it inside of me, I would want to wrap your whole You. I love you. I love you so much it consumes me, breaks me into little pieces. I would want so much from you to take us back to the start, in this bar where we danced together and, when wasted, I kissed you for the first time. I can remember the first time I saw you, it felt like an electric power running in my organs. I remember your words, your first embrace when I was crying my heart out in the streets, wasted too. I love you so much despite of the things you put me through. And I miss you. Today it's been two months since we had sex for the last time, and even though it happened to be like an acid rain 'cause I wasn't even allowed to sleep with you after the sex part, I miss this. I miss you, I miss your body, I miss your lips biting mine, I miss the pain you'd put me through during those nights full of desire and bestial sex, making me do things I would never ever do at all. I miss your texts saying « wanna come? », and I wish I could receive them again, and we both know I could not say no. You knew this and profited of it. I wish you would text me late at night, waking me up from my crazy dreams and make them come true. I laid my heart in the palms of your hands and I just want you to know this. I love you so much, and it seems to me that I could never quit. I could never let go. It may seem crazy but I'm so in love that I cannot bear the fact I will never end up with you. I cannot accept it. I cannot heal. I lost my heart in your sheets, when I abandoned my body to your desire. My friends warned me so much about you, but I didn't listen. Night after night I have entirely given myself to you and lost my mind under your power. You were the master I was the servant, and I always asked myself, as my friends wondered, why I could not let go of a person that treated me this way. I lost all respect and dignity, but you were horny and wanted ME for a moment so it didn't matter. I fooled myself thinking if you'd text me it meant you'd want to see me. But all you really wanted from the start was just sex. And when I fell for you -and I reckon that was not part of the plan- I understood that I would rather love someone who wouldn't love me back at all, than someone who would « appreciate » me this way. 'Cause it was impossible to quit. I was torn between wanting to be with you, and not being your toy anymore. You cannibalized me and you still do. You and your charisma that stuck me from the first time I saw you. My friends call you a bastard, my heart calls you the one. And now we haven't seen each other for weeks, I still miss you, I still love you, and I have no idea why.
1 commentaire:
Emma, Emma arrête ça, c'est n'importe quoi, on aime pas les gens qui nous détruisent, on les enterre et on y pense plus jamais. On les laisse pas s'immiscer dans notre vie et la gâcher. On les laisse pas nous tuer. Tu dois te battre CONTRE LUI. Il ne t'a jamais fait de bien (pour une nuit d'accord, mais regarde comme tu souffres maintenant), il ne veut pas t'en faire, il passe à autre chose parce qu'il joue avec tout le monde, avec toi et je suis sure qu'il y en a d'autres. Emma, il faut que tu t'accroches à quelque chose, que tu le laisses crever, je suis désolée d'être dure, tu m'en voudras peut-être, mais tu sois arrêter ça, tu dois arrêter de penser à lui comme ça, trouve un moyen. Arrête tout ça, s'il te plait.
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